# Sorry To Hear



## andyzee (Jan 20, 2010)

I could never understand the phrase "sorry to hear" in times of personal crisis. "Sorry to hear you're mom died", "Sorry to hear you hurt yourself". What is this supposed to mean "sorry to hear" . Taken at face value, it would appear that you are not sorry for someone's loss, instead, you're sorry to hear about it.


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## Puck it (Jan 20, 2010)

Yea. I'm having an ugly mood swing.  Right now and I was happy today.  C'est la vie!!!!


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## andyzee (Jan 20, 2010)

Puck it said:


> Yea. I'm having an ugly mood swing.  Right now and I was happy today.  C'est la vie!!!!



I'm not sorry to hear about it, but am sorry you are in an ugly mood. What happened, you were all like happy and stuff?


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## ctenidae (Jan 20, 2010)

andyzee said:


> Taken at face value, it would appear that you are not sorry for someone's loss, instead, you're sorry to hear about it.



That's generally how I mean it. Because now that I've heard it, I have to pretend like I care.


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## riverc0il (Jan 20, 2010)

I don't like the word "sorry" in general. Try to avoid it at all costs. Both saying it and hearing it. Especially hearing it directed at me so I try to be aware not to utter it to others. 

You can tell I am a manager. Don't tell me you are sorry, tell me what you are going to do to fix it and not let it happen again. Perfect!


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## andyzee (Jan 20, 2010)

riverc0il said:


> I don't like the word "sorry" in general. Try to avoid it at all costs. Both saying it and hearing it. Especially hearing it directed at me so I try to be aware not to utter it to others.
> 
> You can tell I am a manager. Don't tell me you are sorry, tell me what you are going to do to fix it and not let it happen again. Perfect!




That I'm sorry to hear :lol:


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## Puck it (Jan 20, 2010)

Manager that is.


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## wa-loaf (Jan 20, 2010)

Sorry to hear your Happy Day thread disappeared.


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## Puck it (Jan 20, 2010)

wa-loaf said:


> Sorry to hear your Happy Day thread disappeared.


 Being sincere?


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## Dr Skimeister (Jan 20, 2010)

Many, many years ago a friend said something to me that I've never forgotten.

" 'I'm sorry' is the second most misused phrase in the English language........'I love you' is the first".


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## wa-loaf (Jan 20, 2010)

Puck it said:


> Being sincere?



Well, I was letting you have your moment. Don't know what happened after I left work.


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## Puck it (Jan 20, 2010)

wa-loaf said:


> Well, I was letting you have your moment. Don't know what happened after I left work.


 
Just lovin's like the ad says. No more no less.


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## Marc (Jan 21, 2010)

I think you've been confused by the contraction involved in the language.

I've always taken the statement "I'm sorry to hear..." to mean, or imply, "Upon hearing *news of loss, bad fortune, whatever" I'm sorry for *you, what happened, etc.*"

In this instance I'd say using the adjective "sorry" to describe yourself makes perfect sense.  The root noun of the adjective "sorry" is the emotion "sorrow," synonyms of which include sadness, grieff, pity, anguish, woe, etc.


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## jaywbigred (Jan 21, 2010)

Well, if we posit that "I'm sorry your Mom died" might be the most direct way to say it, it also may be too blunt. Further, if you do not learn of the news right away, it may seem inappropriately timed, and a poor thing to mention, as a person tries to move on from loss.

Therefore, I think its just a colloquial substitution for "It brought me sorrow to have learned of the fact of your Mother's passing" without sounding like a pilgrim. You express your sorrow, and state it in a way that softens the blow, as a person tries to move on from their loss.

When my Dad died a couple years ago, people said it a lot to me, and I was grateful for their thoughts and support.


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## dmc (Jan 21, 2010)

It's the thought that counts...

Don't think too much..


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## Euler (Jan 21, 2010)

riverc0il said:


> I don't like the word "sorry" in general. Try to avoid it at all costs. Both saying it and hearing it. Especially hearing it directed at me so I try to be aware not to utter it to others.
> 
> You can tell I am a manager. Don't tell me you are sorry, tell me what you are going to do to fix it and not let it happen again. Perfect!



If the "sorry" is a thoughtless phrase meant to imply "oh well" then it is a worthless remark.  On the other hand, I find all too often that people refuse to own up to their mistakes and try to blame others.  Sometimes "sorry" is one of the steps is taking ownership of one's mistakes, and in that case it is a good thing.


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## riverc0il (Jan 21, 2010)

Euler said:


> If the "sorry" is a thoughtless phrase meant to imply "oh well" then it is a worthless remark.  On the other hand, I find all too often that people refuse to own up to their mistakes and try to blame others.  Sometimes "sorry" is one of the steps is taking ownership of one's mistakes, and in that case it is a good thing.


That is one way of looking it at.... but my way of looking at it is if you sack up and take ownership for your mistakes, fix the problem, and implement a plan to ensure it doesn't happen again then you don't need to say sorry in the first place because it is likely something very positive happened due to the problem.

Outside of managerial use, I don't like sorry either. The word just grates on my nerves. Probably because most people just "say it" socially because it is the accepted thing to say regardless of whether they feel anything or not. It is so pervasive that it lessens the impact when someone is actually genuine and caring and concerned.


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## billski (Jan 21, 2010)

riverc0il said:


> I don't like the word "sorry" in general.


 
There are many ways to use it.  I would not make broad sweeping generalization.

Having lost both parents and other loved ones, it's my experience that most people are uncomfortable with and terrible at communicating the intended sentiment correctly.  I just let it roll off my shoulders, knowing that they were clumsy and uncomfortable wtih their work.  What is vastly more important is that they made an effort reach reach out or to be there.   You have to remember that etiquette is what a society uses to get along with each other.  There is protocol in all we do, like it or not.

The workplace environment is often different, when we are using it to get along with people who we must work with but generally are not personally interested in.  Everytime I call verizon about a problem the first thing they say is "I'm sorry you're having a problem with xyz.  Let me help you".  That is clearly scripted and gratuitous.

Steve, It seems to me you are describing a manager-employee relationship.  Really now, they do have to cow-tow to you don't they?  You are the boss after all.

The place where I really lose it is when people shove past you, step on your toes, or let the door in your face, and just ignore you.  The right thing to do is to acknowledge their presence and don't acknowledge the infraction, at all, using words like "sorry" or "excuse me".   It gives the me-first, you be damned message.   Back in the ice age when I was young, it was commonplace , except for NYC.  Today simple courtesies are non-existant in the northeast US.


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## Glenn (Jan 22, 2010)

Euler said:


> If the "sorry" is a thoughtless phrase meant to imply "oh well" then it is a worthless remark.  On the other hand, I find all too often that people refuse to own up to their mistakes and try to blame others.  Sometimes "sorry" is one of the steps is taking ownership of one's mistakes, and in that case it is a good thing.




+1. Life would be a lot better if people just took ownership when they goofed up.


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## dmc (Jan 22, 2010)

What I don't like is "My bad"


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## andyzee (Jan 22, 2010)

dmc said:


> What I don't like is "My bad"



Work:
"Do the needful"
"Gentle Reminder"


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## dmc (Jan 22, 2010)

andyzee said:


> Work:
> "Do the needful"
> "Gentle Reminder"



It really depends on the person saying it and weather they are disingenuous...


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## Geoff (Jan 22, 2010)

Glenn said:


> +1. Life would be a lot better if people just took ownership when they goofed up.



I've found that professionally, it completely defuses tense situations when I take the blame for something even when there is plenty to spread around.   In disasters, I'll often open with "I F-ed up.  I should have anticipated that and changed our direction before the mushroom cloud hit."    Since it's tense and everybody else is starting from a CYA position, it gets things moving in the proper direction.


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## ctenidae (Jan 22, 2010)

billski said:


> Everytime I call verizon about a problem the first thing they say is "I'm sorry you're having a problem with xyz.  Let me help you".  That is clearly scripted and gratuitous.



I usually follow that with, "No, you're not sorry, and that's okay- if I weren't having this problem, you wouldn't have a job, so it's okay. Let's just fix it." Works well to avoid the gratuitous social engineering scripted palliatives designed to sooth people who have gotten themselves all worked up over a problem they probably created themselves.

I particularly hate it when phone center people use the word "excellent" many times, since htey are obviously rated in teh after-call surveys by how many "excellents" they get and are really just trying to plant the word in your head.

All that said, IMO, worst job in the world = phone center.


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## Marc (Jan 22, 2010)

ctenidae said:


> All that said, IMO, worst job in the world = phone center.



It's not worse than being a fluffer for a gay porno production company.



Not that I know from experience on either counts, mind you.  Just guessing.


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## severine (Jan 22, 2010)

ctenidae said:


> All that said, IMO, worst job in the world = phone center.


From 3 years experience, plus 8.5 years answering calls in the municipal office, AGREED.


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## Greg (Jan 22, 2010)

dmc said:


> Don't think too much..



This usually works for me.


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## Johnskiismore (Jan 24, 2010)

dmc said:


> It's the thought that counts...
> 
> Don't think too much..



+2


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## WakeboardMom (Jan 25, 2010)

Geoff said:


> I've found that professionally, it completely defuses tense situations when I take the blame for something even when there is plenty to spread around.   In disasters, I'll often open with "I F-ed up.  I should have anticipated that and changed our direction before the mushroom cloud hit."    Since it's tense and everybody else is starting from a CYA position, it gets things moving in the proper direction.



That preemptive strike also works well with customers.  "We f-d up and this is what we're doing to fix it."


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## RootDKJ (Jan 25, 2010)

> All that said, IMO, worst job in the world = phone center.


I did 13 months in a call center.  Lots of free food and death threats.


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## RootDKJ (Jan 25, 2010)

Greg said:


> This usually works for me.


+3


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