# Vermont is ???



## ScottySkis (Aug 17, 2014)

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Vermont  :-D

*Vermont*

_*Whoops!* Maybe you were looking for *C-3PO*?_











                                        People come to Vermont to view the foliage of the native trees, including the Ski-plant.
_You may be looking for New Hampshire and not even know it!__“They make maple syrup and call themselves American? *Go back* to Canada!”_*~ The rest of America on Vermont*​Vermont is a small island located in the New England  area of the United States. It covers an area of 2 square miles, mainly  consisting of dense hardwood forests, spacious pine forests, and forests  full of  hippies. It is home to over three towns, eight people and several billion cows. It is the second whitest state in the U.S., after Maine. 
*Historyedit*

 Vermont was discovered in 1856 by the French-Canadian explorer Marquis de Sade. Seeking refuge from his native Canadia,  the explorer christened the area the Republic of Vermont. However,  lacking anything but trees, Marquis de Sade soon left Vermont and  traveled south to play hockey for the Canadiens.  
While christened in 1856, the Republic of Vermont lay unsettled for the next 90 years, until the invention of the hippy commune. _Vermont_ (from French 'Ver', meaning Very, and 'Monte', meaning 'Communistic') was officially founded in 1969 by Ben and Jerry of gourmet ice cream fame, as they brought the first hippy commune to the land. They settled into the fertile land near Lake Champlain, and called the first commune _Dorset_. Today Dorset is a fortified hippy conclave, which can be smelt for miles in all directions.  
While initially thought to be part of the US, it now appears that Vermont is actually a suburb of la belle province,  constructed solely for use as a ski resort. Unfortunately, the  insurgence of ski resorts has brought the developers into conflict with  the native *hippies*. *More* than one ski resort has had to be moved upwind of a native hippy commune, at great expense. 
The capital of Vermont was recently moved from the city of West Haven to Montréal, as the *exchange rate* was better. Also, Montréal has better strip-clubs. And hockey. You like hockey, eh? I like hockey. And Poutine. Yep. Poutine. And hockey. 
The only reason Marquis de Sade didn't go to New *Hampshire* was because of Vermont's large sums of Maple Syrup... and New Hampshire's upside-down ways confused and scared him.  
On June 16th, 2007, Vermont declared its independence from the United States. Nobody noticed. 
Because Vermont is not blessed with "diversity" like most of the  rest of the country, there are very few racists there.  Evidently not  having actual experience with "diversity" has made Vermonters a very  enlightened people.  Vermonters spend long hours writing letters to the  editor demanding more public housing in Los Angeles, Detroit and  Washington DC. 
Vermont also gained notoriety when, in 2010, it became the first  state to successfully eliminate its entire middle class. Now, all of its  residents are either on *food stamps* or billionaires. Or both. 
*Weatheredit*

 Vermont is a very windy state, due to the fact that New Hampshire sucks and New York blows.  
Its seasons include winter, mud season, and fall; depending on the year, summer may fall on a weekend.  
*Fall foliageedit*

 In the fall, year after year, leaves change color from a healthy  green to shades of red, orange and yellow. This is because of Vermont's  high use of *pesticides*  in the summer. Contaminated water then works its way into the ground,  thus causing the leaves to change color. Also, their only nuclear power  plant, Vermont Yankee, has caused the trees to mutate. Vermont is home  to the popular tourist destination for Leaf peeping. These pilgrims, in  search of "foliage" a.k.a. leaves, will not let anything, not even *traffic laws*, stand in the way of them being able to view "foliage" without leaving the comfort of their *cars*.  Leaf peepers have been observed coming to a complete stop in the middle  of a typical 1.1-lane Vermont dirt road. This requires the hippies  stuck in the road behind them to turn off their *Subarus*, in order to avoid causing global warming to rise 5 degrees. 
Of course, Vermonters respond to the perennial cry of "It's  tourist season!" with the reply, "So, does that mean we can shoot them?" 
*Economyedit*

The official currency of Vermont is the tourist dollar.  The official currency is used only by outsiders, for the natives use  the traditional bartering system. Consisting of cheese, local-grown  organic produce, maple syrup, and Ben and Jerry's Ice cream, the native  bartering system is flexible and sensible. Vermonters trade between  their communes on a regular basis, and enjoy the luxury of nearly free  goods.  
Outsiders are not so lucky. The primary source of income for most  Vermonters is ripping clothes off outsiders. For the privilege of  rolling down a steep hill during the chill of winter, Vermonters charge  non-Vermonters around $80 tourist dollars a day. This causes no end of  stifled laughter among Vermonters, for they can walk down said hills  during the nicer parts of the year, FOR FREE!  
There is much tension between the outsiders and natives with  outsiders often being referred to unkindly as "flatlanders" or the more  popular term of "asshole". Flatlander assholes are easily identifiable  from the native mountain folk in several ways including lacking common  sense, possessing a general assholish attitude, and driving their New  Jersey, New York, or Connecticut-plated vehicles around like a retard. *Money* is also regularly expelled from their fat asses and bowels in vast quantities which can make quite a mess to pick up. 
*Tradeedit*

 As Vermonters' entire income stems from tourist dollars, a great deal of attention is paid to the trade value of Vermont goods.  
These trade values are fairly standard across Vermont: 

*Vermont Product**Tourist Dollars*one tablespoon of maple syrupsixone small container of Ice Creameighteenone day freezing on a mountainthirty to eighty*one day looking at dying treesfifty to seventyone day on polluted and overcrowded laketen to twentysix hours stuck somewhere because you drive like an idiotpriceless
 

It's noteworthy that if you plan upon spending a day on a  freezing mountain whilst wearing skis, the price in Tourist Dollars will  rise exponentially.  Most tourists *bypass* this hefty price and simply saw off their left arm.
 *Governmentedit*

As  Vermont is a hippy commune, there is no official government. A Council  of Stoners sets generic guidelines for Tourist Dollar Values, and works  with Montréal  to develop ski areas. This is difficult for non-Vermonters to  understand, and as such, they often mistakenly think that Vermont needs a  government. Ignorant to the local customs, a large number of  non-Vermonters have created a "State Government" irredisregardless of  the fact that Vermont is not a state, and they are not Vermonters. Due  to this misunderstanding, only non-Vermonters can be seen obeying "State  Laws". This "State Government" is in the city of Montpelier, which  would be the smallest capitol city in the US, if not for the fact that  Vermont is now independent and that the state is actually run by the  Council of Stoners, which is in Brattleboro. 
It was declared independent from the US on June 16, 2007, and  after a long war that destroyed everything except for Vermont it was a  free country, with lots of communists, anarchists and hicks. 
*Languageedit*









                                        Just like driving through Indiana or Connecticut, but with mountains, snow, and pine trees.
                The official language of Vermont is Canadian.  Easily distinguished by the repeated use of "eh?" and "yep", Canadian  has supplemented the original Vermontish spoken by the settlers of the  island. The secondary language of Vermont is Stoner. This is  characterized by oft-repeated phrases such as "Whoa, man" or "Yeah dude"  and "I need some more ice cream". 
*Burlington, The city that is near Vermont.edit*

 Many of the residents of this city claim they are actually a part of  Vermont, but they are mistaken, because Vermont has no cities.  It is  obvious that Burlington  is not in Vermont, because there are real estate developments, cars,  paved roads, buildings made of glass and steel, and an abundance of ex-New Yorkers.   There is also a REAL airport- with terminals and planes and  everything!  These things are simply not found in Vermont. However, if  Burlington was considered part of Vermont, then it would be the  least-populated largest city of any state. 





*Brattleboro, the town of hippiesedit*

 If you go to this town, you will be lucky to get out of there without  getting a contact high. Hell, you're lucky to pass within the next 200  miles without waking up without any clothes in the cockpit of a 747.  There is such a high density of hippies there , that a movie about  Woodstock was casted in Brattleboro. Claims To Fame: 


Two "Cornfields" behind rehab center/asylum found to contain pot. (Never saw that coming!)
Tropical Storm Irene
Nudists, fat people, hippies, Canadians and the like all living in a parking lot that has:
Drug dealers 24/7
2 Head shops
and many convenience stores/pharmacies.

A ski jump. (Once again, in a cornfield)
 *Pripyat/Vernon, the town that will irradite everyone within a 100 mile radiusedit*

 Claims to fame: 


An aging nuclear power plant
Stoned reactor operators No really!
Power plant guards shooting themselves in the foot at the rifle range
A leaking reactor!
Radioactive fish!
An elementary school 200 feet away from the actual reactor!
Train accidents!
 

*Attractionsedit*

 One of the most sacred areas in the entire world, Vermont is home to  the Great Manure Mines. A natural phenomenon, raw cow manure slowly  sinks into the ground and into underground caves where it drips down and  hardens. The Vermont Dwarves come to the Great Manure Mines once every Fall to stock up on manure for the winter.  
Also, the greatest fair known in the lower Milky Way Galaxy  as well as within half a mile of Rutland, Vermont, exists during the  month of February. As is known around the world, Rutland is a center of  high culture and wealthy pursuits. Rutland has a vibrant drug  trade, and is popular among citizens of Canada, for a connection to the  "bounty" coming north from Mexico and Alabama. Anyway, the Rutland fair  contains the largest freak show on earth,  essentially consisting of 57.89% of its patrons. One can observe the  consumption of fried dough by vertically challenged obese humans with  thyroid problems as well as the various carnival ride accidents caused  by carnies who are really communists and saboteur specialist aliens, out  to rid the earth of the best and brightest of the next generation who  appear by the twos and threes (at most) at the Rutland fair. One can  also commune with farm animals and hippies, the latter covered in their own excrement. 
Vermont borders 3 famous lakes, which are also popular tourist attractions:  


Lake Champlain, which almost but not quite gained the status of Great Lake, but it's still pretty decent.
Lake Memphremagog, a name derived from Algonkian, roughly translating to "your mom is as ugly as the rear end of a moose."
Lake Titicaca, a place elementary schools never, ever, ever schedule a field trip to. For several reasons.
 Probably the best thing to do in Vermont is go to New Hampshire.  Or be thankful you're not in New Jersey which no longer exists due to being annexed by Istanbul. 
*Famous Vermontersedit*

 The Green Mountian Boys were most notably the first gay rights protest group ever. A statue of their leader Ethan Allen has been _erected_  in every town in Vermont, and many furniture businesses, such as Ethan  Allen Hardwood, and real-estate agencies have been named after him.  
Robert Frost  was the leader of the communist revolution in Vermont. Through his  boring poetry he incited many people to truly govern themselves. People  often bring offerings of alcohol in pagan worship gatherings in his  home. 
Calvin Coolidge, a president of the US, was famous for making marriages illegal, after his own difficult divorce with Mary Lincoln. He is also famous for appearing on the bottle of a well-known male enhancement drink Moxie. 
The legendary Fat Man, of YouTube fame, resides in Rutland,  Vermont. His McGut, moodswings, and penchant for drinking gravy bring a  truly Rutlandized aspect to the formerly lackluster website. His only  local opponent, the Transforming Mullet Man, is typically helpless  against the sheer force of the McGut. 
Nia, a Killer Sheep,  started the Killer Sheep Civil Rights Movement in Bethel, Vermont when  she ate off the arms of a local history teacher in what is now called  "The History Teacher's Last Hurrah." 
Transforming Mullet Man is an infamous conceptual laser massacre  instigator. One day, he went to the beach at Killington Mountain, got  pissed off, then transformed. How he did this, no one knows, but some  survivors mention him performing a "Robot-like dance while making *PEW  PEW PEW* sound effects with his mouth." As soon as his transformation  was complete, he laid waste the entire beach via his fingertip-mounted  lasers. Everyone there survived without wounds, although he assures us  that he killed them all. Me and my buddy see him at the mall a lot. He's  pretty chill. 
Canada Man, the national superhero of Canada, likened to Captain  America. Created by the Canadian Military in an attempt to make a single  soldier, his powers are Maple Syrup, politeness, and hockey. 

*Subdivisions of the United States*  *Northeastern States** Connecticut ·  Maine · Massachusetts · New Hampshire · Jew Jersey · New York · Pennsylvania · Rhode Island · Vermont* *Southern States**Alabama · Arkansas · Delaware · Florida · Georgia · Kentucky · Katrina · Maryland · Mississippi · North Carolina · Oklahoma · South Carolina · Tennessee · Texas · Virginia · West Virginia* *Midwestern States**Illinois · Indiana · Iowa · Kansas · Michigan · Minnesota · Missouri · Nebraska · North Dakota · Ohio · South Dakota · Wisconsin* *Western States**Alaska · Arizona · California · Colorado · Hawaii · Idaho ·  Montana · Nevada · New Mexico · Oregon · Utah · Washington · Wyoming**Territories**American Samoa · Guam · Northern Mariana Islands · Puerto Rico · Virgin Islands · Washington, D.C.* *Semi-Legendary States**Cheeselen · Pikachusetts*
 
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States of the United States
Dairy
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Places stuck in the past
Places nicknamed Sucksville
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## ScottySkis (Aug 17, 2014)




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## thetrailboss (Aug 17, 2014)

I read that.  Hilarious!


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## Abubob (Aug 17, 2014)

"Vermont is a very windy state, due to the fact that New Hampshire sucks and New York blows."

Wow, the things you can learn in Wikipedia.


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## skiNEwhere (Aug 17, 2014)

Not wikipedia. Read the rest, none of it makes any sense.


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## Abubob (Aug 17, 2014)

*Vemront is ???*

Pardon me Uncyclopedia. Still learned a lot. All of it makes perfect sense but the author does seem to have a grudge against hippies.


Sent from my iPad using AlpineZone


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## ctenidae (Aug 18, 2014)

I'm disappointed at the lack of cross reference to drummers and free-heel skiers.

/sorry DMC


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## Nick (Aug 18, 2014)

I fixed the title.


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## skiNEwhere (Aug 18, 2014)

ctenidae said:


> I'm disappointed at the lack of cross reference to drummers and free-heel skiers.
> 
> /sorry DMC



I think he left us for good. That's too bad, he was entertaining.


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## St. Bear (Aug 18, 2014)

I'm reading through the NH one.  Very funny.


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## Skimaine (Aug 18, 2014)

Abubob said:


> Pardon me Uncyclopedia. Still learned a lot. All of it makes perfect sense but the author does seem to have a grudge against hippies.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using AlpineZone



Clearly written by Cartman.


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## ScottySkis (Aug 19, 2014)

*how can you read this and not laugh!!!!*

So done in fun .


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