# Ski and Snowboarding Jokes



## RossiSkier (Jan 13, 2005)

Anybody know any good ski or snowboard jokes.  All in good fun.

Q: What is the difference between God and a ski instructor?
A: God does not think he is a ski instructor

Q: How many ski instructors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine. One to screw in the light bulb and 8 to say nice turns!

Q: A car has five snowboarders in the back seat. What do you call the driver
A: Sheriff


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## Stephen (Jan 13, 2005)

Q: How can you tell if  the lift is balanced?
A:  The snowboarders drool out of both sides of their mouth.

(A rip-off of a drummer joke...)

-Stephen


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## highpeaksdrifter (Jan 13, 2005)

Q.   What do snowboards and vacuum cleaners have in common?
A.   They both have dirt bags attached to them.

Q.   What are the most dangerous words ever heard at a ski area?
A.   Dude, take my picture goin off this

Q.   What's the first thing a snowboarder says to a skier on his first run of the day?
A.   Ahhhhh, sorry dude, didn't see ya there.


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## Zand (Jan 25, 2005)

Here's a dumb one I whipped up. You can't spell BOaRdING without boring. Kinda like you can't spell crap without rap.


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## ski_resort_observer (Oct 31, 2011)

How do you become a millionaire as a ski instructor?

Start out as a billionaire


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## catskills (Oct 31, 2011)

What can a pizza do that a ski instructor can not ?


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## Sparky (Nov 1, 2011)

catskills said:


> What can a pizza do that a ski instructor can not ?




Feed a family of four.


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## lolkl (Nov 1, 2011)

P.S.I.A. = Probably Stay Inside Anyway
or backwards= Assholes In Stretch Pants


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## Cannonball (Nov 1, 2011)

What's the hardest past about deciding to ski instead of snowboard?




Telling your dad you're gay.


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## Black Phantom (Nov 1, 2011)

Cannonball said:


> What's the hardest past about deciding to ski instead of snowboard?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Heavy bro.


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## speden (Nov 1, 2011)

Skier's Dictionary

Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European skier on a U.S. mountain. An appropriate reply, "What's Zermatter?"

Bones: There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: TWO bones of the middle ear have never been broken in a skiing accident.

Exercises: A few simple warm-ups to make sure you're prepared for the slopes: 1. Tie a cinder block to each foot with old belts and climb a flight of stairs. 2. Sit on the outside of a second-story window ledge with your skis on and your poles in your lap for 30 minutes. 3. Bind your legs together at the ankles, lie flat on the floor; then, holding a banana in each hand, get to your feet.

Skier: One who pays an arm and a leg for the opportunity to break them.

Traverse: To ski across a slope at an angle; one of two quick and simple methods of reducing speed.
Tree: The other method.


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## smowler (Nov 5, 2011)

A replay of drummer jokes:

How do you get a snowboarder off the porch?
Pay for the pizza.

What do you call a snowboarder without a girlfriend?
Homeless.

How many snowboarders does it take to change a light bulb?
10. 1 to hold the bulb and 9 to smoke enough dope to make the room spin around.


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## vcunning (Nov 6, 2011)

Courtesy of Steven Wright

I got on this chairlift with this guy I didn't know. We went halfway up the mountain without saying a word. Then he turned to me and said, "You know, this is the first time I've gone skiing in ten years." I said, "Why did you take such a long time off?" He said, "I was in prison. Want to know why?" I said, "Not really...Well, okay, you better tell me why." He said, "I pushed a total stranger off a Ferris wheel." I said, "I remember you."


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## MadPadraic (Nov 6, 2011)

highpeaksdrifter said:


> Q.   What do snowboards and vacuum cleaners have in common?
> A.   They both have dirt bags attached to them.
> 
> Q.   What's the first thing a snowboarder says to a skier on his first run of the day?
> A.   Ahhhhh, sorry dude, didn't see ya there.





Stephen said:


> Q: How can you tell if  the lift is balanced?
> A:  The snowboarders drool out of both sides of their mouth.
> 
> -Stephen



kinda mean spirited.


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## C-Rex (Nov 7, 2011)

Cannonball said:


> What's the hardest past about deciding to ski instead of snowboard?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



HA!


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## gmcunni (Dec 26, 2011)

i believe there is an old joke that goes something like

Q -what do you call a group of snowboarders?

A - a road block.


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## troy (Dec 26, 2011)

Cannonball said:


> What's the hardest past about deciding to ski instead of snowboard?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



hands down winner, thx for sharin'


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## SIKSKIER (Dec 28, 2011)

*Ouch*



Cannonball said:


> What's the hardest past about deciding to ski instead of snowboard?
> Telling your dad you're gay.



Gays on trays?


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## Nick (Jul 25, 2012)




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## Nick (Jul 25, 2012)

More humor: 
http://www.skimybest.com/skihumor.htm


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## gmcunni (Aug 31, 2015)

7) how many ski schoolers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to turn the bulb while the other says “nice turns!”

6) three snowboarders are riding in the back of a car. Who is driving?

The police.

5) what’s the difference between a cactus and a ski school jacket?

With the cactus… the prick is on the outside.

4) how do snowboarders introduce themselves?

“sorry dude”

3) what is the difference between god and a ski schooler?

God doesn’t think he’s a ski schooler…

2) what’s the difference between a ski bum and a pizza?

The pizza can actually feed a family of four

1) why do lifties only have 30 minute long breaks?

Because if they were any longer, you’d have to re-train them.


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## ss20 (Aug 31, 2015)

gmcunni said:


> 3) what is the difference between god and a ski schooler?
> 
> God doesn’t think he’s a ski schooler…



Yep.  Used that one before.


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## Whitey (Sep 1, 2015)

What do you say to a snowboarder in a jacket & tie? 

"Will the defendant please rise"


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## SIKSKIER (Sep 2, 2015)

For the resorts with prostitutes.
Whats the best part about about a prostitute dying on you?
The second hour is free.


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## Freezingupnorth (Sep 2, 2015)

What do you call a pair of ski instructors on parabolic skis?

Pair of Ball lickers.


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## Mapnut (Sep 2, 2015)

Oooo, another ski thread is going downhill.


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## Mapnut (Sep 3, 2015)

Not sure what decency standards should apply here, but this is on the safe side:

It was a great powder day at Magic Mountain, but it just kept snowing harder and harder. At the end of the day three men (substitute your favorite 3 Magic skiers here) decided it wasn't safe to drive home, so they looked for a room in (______) Lodge. There was only one room with one bed. They agreed to share it.

When they woke up in the morning, the skier who had slept on the left side of the bed said, "That was weird. I dreamed someone was ______ __ _ ____ ___."

The skier on the right side of the bed said, "I had the exact same dream!"

The skier in the middle said, "I just dreamed I was skiing."


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## Winterstick (Sep 3, 2015)

Mapnut said:


> Not sure what decency standards should apply here, but this is on the safe side:
> 
> It was a great powder day at Magic Mountain, but it just kept snowing harder and harder. At the end of the day three men (substitute your favorite 3 Magic skiers here) decided it wasn't safe to drive home, so they looked for a room in (______) Lodge. There was only one room with one bed. They agreed to share it.
> 
> ...



I can tell you what the decency standards are for this site.  I posted the exact same joke a few nights ago, but filled in the blank lines.  I also personalized the joke to include Cannonball, C-Rex, and troy due to their blatantly negative comments towards gays.

My joke was removed in the morning.

So obviously its fine to post jokes derogatory to gays and about having sex with dead prostitutes, but posting responses against those posters is not alright.

Its 11:10 pm now.  Lets see if this post is still here in the morning.


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## ThinkSnow (Sep 3, 2015)

Mapnut said:


> Oooo, another ski thread is going downhill.



I think threads on this site are supposed to go downhill

It's all about skiing after all....


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## gmcunni (Sep 4, 2015)

Winterstick said:


> Its 11:10 pm now.  Lets see if this post is still here in the morning.


1 am. Still up


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