# Weddings: how much do you leave?



## Nick (Jul 1, 2011)

I'm going to a wedding tonight and trying to be reasonable. My wife is telling me that $100 per person is the norm nowadays. I got married in 2006 and back then most people left us $50 per head. $100 per head seems insane to me. Even if they do have open bar all night! 8)


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## o3jeff (Jul 1, 2011)

A lot depends where it's at, open bar, if you like the people, etc I usually do $100 per person, but did more at a wedding that was held on the lawn of the Mystic Seaport for my cousin last year, was probably the nicest wedding I've ever been to.


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## Riverskier (Jul 1, 2011)

How much do you leave for what? A wedding gift?


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## bvibert (Jul 1, 2011)

I leave the lasting impression of my grumpy appearance at their event.


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## Nick (Jul 1, 2011)

Riverskier said:


> How much do you leave for what? A wedding gift?



Yeah, usually they have a birdcage or something for an envelope with $$ in it. 

I say it also usually depends but even with open bar, I was thinking $75 a person was on the high side. $100 a person seems like a lot to me.


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## bvibert (Jul 1, 2011)

Is that on top of a gift, or instead of?


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## Nick (Jul 1, 2011)

Instead of , other than the bridal shower 

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## marcski (Jul 1, 2011)

Nick said:


> Instead of , other than the bridal shower
> 
> Sent from my Thunderbolt via Tapatalk




Did you have fun at the bridal shower, Nick?  :lol:


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## Nick (Jul 1, 2011)

that's a wifely duty

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## bvibert (Jul 1, 2011)

$100 a head sounds like a lot to me too, but maybe not when you consider what some wedding gifts cost.  A lot of people I know gauge how much to give based on how fancy the wedding is, ie; how much it costs per guest.


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## gmcunni (Jul 1, 2011)

way back in 1989 if we got $100 from a couple who attended our wedding we were very happy. i just asked my wife who, without prompting,  said "i don't know, $200"


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## Nick (Jul 2, 2011)

Damn. :lol:


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## o3jeff (Jul 2, 2011)

How much did you leave?


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## HD333 (Jul 2, 2011)

$200 per couple minimum.


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## snoseek (Jul 2, 2011)

I leave a hundred. The whole concept blows my mind. something about throwing an elaborate party and then taking donations to finance it seems kind of weird. What's even weirder is pre registering gifts for showers ect....I suppose it makes sense sort of but again the whole concept of this tradition baffles me.


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## o3jeff (Jul 2, 2011)

Destination wedding, eliminates having to invite everyone!


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## Nick (Jul 2, 2011)

o3jeff said:


> How much did you leave?



150 but we didn't drink if that helps lol 

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## Nick (Jul 2, 2011)

snoseek said:


> I leave a hundred. The whole concept blows my mind. something about throwing an elaborate party and then taking donations to finance it seems kind of weird. What's even weirder is pre registering gifts for showers ect....I suppose it makes sense sort of but again the whole concept of this tradition baffles me.



For just you?

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## Nick (Jul 2, 2011)

Another thing I noticed : a lot of people didnt tip the bartender and twas open bar. I thought that was pretty shitty

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## drjeff (Jul 2, 2011)

Nick said:


> Another thing I noticed : a lot of people didnt tip the bartender and twas open bar. I thought that was pretty shitty
> 
> Sent from my Thunderbolt via Tapatalk



Yup!  Gotta take care of the bartenders, even at an open bar event!  Since, especially if you're making a few trips to the bar at the event, you take care of them well, EARLY at the event, and they take care of you!


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## darent (Jul 2, 2011)

never heard of leaving money at a wedding,  we always just brought a wedding gift-I guess I will have to read Miss Manners again. I missed that one


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## ski stef (Jul 2, 2011)

50 bucks per person..more for family and closer friends i think where 100 per person works better. I went to 5 weddings last summer and had NO idea about protocol for gift giving.  is the one year to get them a gift still work? ... I would say about 50% of people I talk too think that rule stands.  I agree with tipping open bar bartenders...I give a generous tip in the beginning to let them know ill be there a lot and like others have a said hopefully a free drink or two at the end of the night :beer:


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## Nick (Jul 2, 2011)

I'm pretty sure you do'nt get a year to buy someone a wedding gift


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## ski stef (Jul 2, 2011)

I know a lot of people that would disagree with you.. I don't but I have a handful of people convincing me otherwise when it comes down to it.  I learned my lesson after a friends wedding. :wink:


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## Hawkshot99 (Jul 2, 2011)

I hate going to weddings.  They should be required to return all gifts if they dont make it a certain number of years.


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## tjf67 (Jul 3, 2011)

Ski Stef said:


> 50 bucks per person..more for family and closer friends i think where 100 per person works better. I went to 5 weddings last summer and had NO idea about protocol for gift giving.  is the one year to get them a gift still work? ... I would say about 50% of people I talk too think that rule stands.  I agree with tipping open bar bartenders...I give a generous tip in the beginning to let them know ill be there a lot and like others have a said hopefully a free drink or two at the end of the night :beer:



Not for nothing but 50 bucks per person went out with the 80's.  If someone does not have a job then ok buth otherwise it is just cheap.  The up to a year thing is thank you cards.


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## Nick (Jul 3, 2011)

I'm thinking back to my wedding 5 years ago and the majority people left us $50 a head. some left us 75, some who were really close left us 100, and then of course here were a few handful of people who left us even more. 

Then you remember the really cheap ones. We had one family of five people that left us 80$ total. 

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## snoseek (Jul 3, 2011)

Hawkshot99 said:


> I hate going to weddings.  They should be required to return all gifts if they dont make it a certain number of years.



I like this idea:wink:


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## snoseek (Jul 3, 2011)

Nick said:


> I'm thinking back to my wedding 5 years ago and the majority people left us $50 a head. some left us 75, some who were really close left us 100, and then of course here were a few handful of people who left us even more.
> 
> Then you remember the really cheap ones. We had one family of five people that left us 80$ total.
> 
> Sent from my Thunderbolt via Tapatalk



I personally think its cheap to throw a party and expect any kind of money at all. 50 percent of the crowd would rather be spending their weekend doing something else....


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## bvibert (Jul 3, 2011)

I didn't expect to get much money from my wedding, and that's exactly what I got, mostly memories and some pictures.


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## Nick (Jul 3, 2011)

snoseek said:


> I personally think its cheap to throw a party and expect any kind of money at all. 50 percent of the crowd would rather be spending their weekend doing something else....



Yeah right, who doesn't want to be in the presence or true love (can you name that movie)


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## snoseek (Jul 3, 2011)

Nick said:


> Yeah right, who doesn't want to be in the presence or true love (can you name that movie)



I'm hoping wedding crashers? I'm ok going to weddings as a single dude for sure:beer:


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## mattm59 (Jul 3, 2011)

Niece's getting married next month. I hear i gotta' buy suits for me and my son:x. Fortunately, we're all cheap...and I don't drink. Maybe I'll give them a canoe, got more of those than money.


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## Nick (Jul 3, 2011)

snoseek said:


> I'm hoping wedding crashers? I'm ok going to weddings as a single dude for sure:beer:



Correct, wedding rashers. Although maybe i was paraphrasing, can't remember the exact quote.

*wedding rashers, haha. what a typo!


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## MR. evil (Jul 3, 2011)

bvibert said:


> I didn't expect to get much money from my wedding, and that's exactly what I got, mostly memories and some pictures.



The whole wedding scene makes me sick. Too much focus on money and other shallow crap. Randi and I eloped and it was one of best decisions we have ever made. On top of that we got to ski all day before the ceremony, and also skied the next day.



BTW: it was her idea to go away for a ski weekend and elope......I am one LUCKY bastard.


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## Nick (Jul 3, 2011)

I think the perspective is really different with women. I can appreciate the idea of it seeming shallow and about money but I think it's more about women just wanting that "fairytale" day where everything goes perfect.

It's like most of us feel about skiing :lol:


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## MR. evil (Jul 3, 2011)

Nick said:


> I think the perspective is really different with women. I can appreciate the idea of it seeming shallow and about money but I think it's more about women just wanting that "fairytale" day where everything goes perfect.
> 
> It's like most of us feel about skiing :lol:



I guess I just know to many people (men & women) who were way to focused on how much they were going to make from the wedding......in everyone of those instances we gave a gift ( a nice gift) instead of cash. Know a few that made up a good portion of the guest list based how much they thought they would get from someone.


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## deadheadskier (Jul 4, 2011)

I'm with Mr.Evil on this one.  Can't stand the materialistic nature of weddings.  We would've eloped, but my wife's sister already did and her mom would've killed her if she didn't have at least one daughter have a wedding party.

When we got married, we didn't register anywhere as we really didn't need anything.  Folks gave cash, anywhere from $100 to $300 depending on how close they were to us and/or how affluent the guest was.

I honestly didn't care if we received any money at all.  My biggest concern was that the experience didn't cost my friends any money to attend, but the gas to get there.  Pretty much every wedding we've been to has cost us at least $500 to go, not including the gift.  Some of those weddings, like my cousins in Newport, RI cost us $1000 for the weekend not including a gift.

We rented a house on Weirs Beach, NH, set up a tent in the yard and had our wedding there.  That's what my signature is about.  It was a seven bed room house, big enough for most of our friends.  We rented a couple of cottages up the road for our other friends in attendance.  Also catered every meal Friday night through Sunday morning.  So, it didn't cost our friends a dime in food or lodging to be there with us. 

Weddings shouldn't be about money.  Not for the marrying couple and not for the guests.


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## mattm59 (Jul 4, 2011)

we got married at a restaurant; rented a room, invited 50 friends and family. Paid for it ourselves. I think we said "no gifts", but as that was 25 years and 35 days ago, I can't remember. I do remember one gift now, that's right, but it's not one to mention even though statute of limitations is up:blink:...nothing like having friends in the mob:-o


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## SkiDork (Jul 5, 2011)

Again, it depends on the locale.  I live on Long Island, and 50 bucks per person is ridiculously low.  Even in 2006.


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## Riverskier (Jul 5, 2011)

Wow, this thread amazes me. My wife and I got married 3 years ago and we averaged $50 to $100 from most couples. I thought (and still think) that is generous. I have gone to a few friends weddings solo and given $50 cash or gift certificate. Perhaps things are different up here in Maine. If my wife and I were invited to a wedding and I thought we were expected to give $200 or more, I simply wouldn't go.


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## 2knees (Jul 6, 2011)

$100 a person is standard.  If you've banged the bride, (or groom), at some point, you better shell out a hell of alot more.


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## andyzee (Jul 6, 2011)

I generally give $150-200. But if it's a really crappy wedding, food is crap, drinks are watered down, bride is former girlfriend, I leave 2 cents.


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## billski (Jul 7, 2011)

In my grandparent's Eastern European village, everyone in town is invited to the wedding.  Everyone bakes and cooks stuff and brings it to the reception.  Including a dozen cakes.  They party for three days, drinking themselves blind.  Music provided by any town folk who wanted.  If you were a bad musician, you waited to play until everyone was wasted.  The next week everyone thought you were great.  No gifts, just food and booze.  My cousin was pretty pissed because the gypsies snuck in and stole a couple of cakes when most of the people had passed out.
True story about a wedding that took place about 10 years ago.

Solves the "how much do you give" problem quite nicely.


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## ctenidae (Jul 7, 2011)

No one left anything at my wedding (9 years ago). And I didn't leave anything at either of the two weddings I've been to since. Is this a Yankee thing?


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## Riverskier (Jul 7, 2011)

The whole concept of "how much you should leave" is new to me. I know it is customary to bring a gift to a wedding, but I didn't know it had to be cash, or that there is an acceptable amount. We didn't register anywhere, as we didn't need anything, and most people gave us cash. We did get some other gifts (wine, household items, gift certificates) and they were all appreciated. I really had no expectations from anybody, and the idea that you should leave a certain amount just seems wrong.


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## bvibert (Jul 7, 2011)

Riverskier said:


> the idea that you should leave a certain amount just seems wrong.



Absolutely!


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